it´s only my way of marking the day, to put a date in a list where before there was nothing. Time passes so slowly that by the time I notice the internet again, entire months have gone past.
And, have you noticed that the interent never changes? Every time I return to The Internet, it is always exactly the same....this blog only talks about sex....that blog only talks about plants....the next one only talks about babies. There is no news. Fashion is still debating over the shoulder bag or the satchel. Nothing has changed, or maybe it´s only I that have changed.
I have discovered life outside. I have found that I can survive outdoors for weeks at a time. I have almost stopped reading. I have almost stopped writing. I have very little contact with the internet. I have discovered that we don´t need to wash every day. That clothes smell good after 3 weeks without water. That it´s ok to have animals crawling on you in the night. Little tickles of ants will not kill me. That when my muscles hurt I can rest and carry on later. I am not dying from over exertion. I am not living in fear. I am not in constant search of comfort. I am tranquil. Sitting on earth is comfortable.
Somehow I am doing both nothing and everything at the same time. But I suppose all that really happened was that I walked into an empty bar in an empty village in the hot heat of a Spanish afternoon and ordered a coffee from the grandmotherly owner. She thought I was Spanish at first then was amazed when she realised her mistake, even more so when I told her my story of walking a river and sleeping outside. Aren´t you scared? she said. Of what? I replied. It´s not that I have never heard other answers to my question, I just want her to say them out loud. Maybe we should talk about what we are scared of and make it go away. She realised that she hadn´t given me the glass of water I asked for and, when I said it didn´t matter, was, I think, overcome with a rush of feeling for me, this gentle stranger, and gave me a packet of biscuits and some chocolate, telling me, If you ever return, pass by here.
Nothing is happening to me but I am experiencing everything. I have light shining out of me. I am slowly learning to live outside of my head as well as inside. That probably sounds more mental than it actually is. One day, when we meet in real life, we will talk more about it.